-.-

Uggh...I've been feeling nauseous for some 2 weeks now. Not terribly bad, but it seemed odd that I had it everyday, be it a little or a lot. But today, geez...I stood next to the toilet and sink for about half-an-hour waiting to blow. I've been more anxious than a chihuahua in a thunderstorm...I hate it. I hate feeling nauseous. It's one of the only "major" fears I actually have, I don't know why. But ever since I was a little kid, being nauseous made me crazy. I was one of those little kids that loved schools. But even with my love for it, after lunch I always started feeling nauseous and me thinking it was a stomach ache, I was always at the clinic. So much so, that they knew me by name over there. My teacher talked to my mom, knowing that it wasn't some method of skipping school as I wouldn't do that, and it turned out that the jam I was eating, had way too much sugar, and was not going good on me, hence causing the nausea.

And yet, to this day, I still can't get over it. I become very finicky, start walking around my house, become aggitated very easily, and go through these battles in my head telling myself that I'm not gonna barf. Gosh...and I don't understand why. Yea, no one likes to barf, but why do I get such an immense stress out when this happens. And mind you, its not just when I'm "a little nauseous". I only get like this when I actually think I'm gonna blow. So here I am, not at work, writing about my biggest fear on my blog. Is it helping? I suppose, as long as I keep my mind off of it, then I have nothing to worry about.

Another thing I don't like is the appetite aspect of it. Today, I've eaten a total of about...9 crackers, some spoons of rice, 2 cups of water, and 2 bags of baby carrots (One of the few foods I seem to be able to jam down no matter what). What kinda crap is that!? I would think that by eating, I can fill my stomach with food, instead of gas, which is probably causing my nausea right now, but no. Everytime I start putting stuff in my mouth, it comes back. GARRRAHRH!! And I've burped plenty today, and sure it's a nice relief...for a few seconds. I don't get it. I'm hungry, and feel weak, and I can't get rid of this nausea...so yea...can you just add me to your prayer list? :P I know it seems like such a trivial thing, but it's really stressing me out. i have not felt my heart beat so hard in my life (nausea makes me nervous, and when I'm nervous I get nauseous, so its an evil loop that happens and you can literally see my body tremble and pump to my heartbeat. Or even a pillow, or bed, if I'm in it, shake a bit)...

:,(